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Dear British Petroleum. We only have one planet and it belongs to all of us. What you put in the ocean goes into the air and the food chain and eventually effects all of us. No person has a right to profit at the expense of everyone else. No company has a right to profit at expense of everyone else. There is no government or law that can give you that right, or relieve you of the responsibility to be, well, responsible. There is a God, and one day each of you, from the mail clerks to the CEO, will answer for your part in all of this. We either make the world better or we make the world worse. I hope that you will use this disaster much as Alfred Nobel used his (wrongly-issued) obituary - as a springboard for a change. Nobel instituted the Nobel peace prize. While largely symbolic, it was better than being remembered for inventing TNT and having killed more people than anyone else in history. What will you do with this disaster? Can you take this tragedy and devote the rest of your lives and resources to saving the earth? "Poise," just appeared at Unlikely Stories. An unlikely story, indeed, I think it landed in the appropriate venue. If you'd like to read it (or other unlikely stories), please visit http://www.unlikelystories.org/10/sterne0410.shtml .
something to me, but it does. Jesse, my daughter, wrote that she has a rat harassing the chickens in her henhouse. She and her husband have been trying to get rid of the rat for several weeks. I might not be able to help, but I at least offered a few explanations and potential solutions. The Religious View of Why You have a Rat: Traditional Christian: You were bad so God sent the rat to plague you. Roman Catholic: We're all bad but you neglected your prayers so God sent the rat to plague you. Southern Baptist: The rat is a blessing if you look at it right, bless it's heart. Islamic: You are an Infidel and God sent the rat to plague you. Jewish: What is God? What is a rat? You think you got troubles? You should see the aphids in my garden! Hindu: If you're bad you'll come back as a rat. Taoist: Your great, great grandmother was bad so she came back as a rat. Buddhist: There is no rat, there is no you. If you cease struggling, the problem will go away. Native Americans: Before you white-rats showed up we lived in harmony with nature. The spirit of the Great Rat is taking his revenge. Atheist: It is a simple evolutionary conflict between species - a test of mental and physical toughness. I'm betting on the rat. Nilhists: The rat wins in the end. Animists: If you're good you can come back as a rat. How to Get Rid of Rats: Republican strategy: Your neighbor is breeding species of mass destruction. Burn down his house and then neglect your own while you spend ten trillion dollars to rebuild his. Invest whatever is left over in bigger and better wire, more guns, traps, body scanners, rat-sniffers, poison, and remote controlled drones with rat-seeking missiles. Launch satellites with the capacity to detect incoming rats and intercept them from space. Who cares if the rest of your farm falls apart? The point is, no damn rat is going to threaten American chickens. Democratic strategy: Consider things from the rat's perspective. Build your neighbor a better chicken coop and maybe the rat will move. Tea Partier strategy: The rat is the result of too much taxes and government. Throw out half your children and tear down 2/3 of your house. The rat will disappear on his own. Joe the Plumber's strategy: The rat is retribution for your socialist policies. Stop feeding the chickens and the rat will leave. Sarah Palin's strategy: When I was like, governor, you know, of a state, that is, like, Alaska, you know, we had this mouse, and everything is bigger in Alaska, and Alaska is a state and we, like, do things there, too, I mean, we border Russia, you know, and my daughter what's her name was up on the chair squealing, and like, you know... Communist strategy: Divide everything you have with the rats you bourgeois scum. Hugo Chavez's strategy: The rat is the fault of the Colombians. Throw your garbage in your neighbor's yard to breed more rats there. You might not get rid of your own rats but you'll look better by comparison. Dick Cheney's Strategy: The rat is Obama's fault. Hire my company to get rid of it and I'll pretend I don't know that I'm fleecing you for a fortune because I'll claim my accountant never discusses money with me. The Canadian Strategy: Move further north. Rats can't take the cold. The Cambodian Strategy: Sit up all night with a sling shot and nail the bastard as soon as he stirs. Roast on stick until the skin peels. Eat with plenty of hot sauce. Idi Amin's Ugandan Strategy: The rat is the fault of corruption in your house. Kill half your children. If the rat doesn't leave, then kill the other half. PETA Strategy: Feed the rat and it will leave the chickens alone. Green Party Strategy: Hold a benefit concert for the rat with Sting and U-2 and Peter Gabriel. Get real high. Rats can be groovy if you look at them right. The rat might not leave, but you'll feel like you've done something meaningful. |
| Melvin Sterne: Writer, Teacher, Editor, Photographer |
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Melvin Sterne teaches creative
writing, literature, composition, and
business writing at the American
University of Bosnia in Herzegovina,
in Tuzla.
In his spare time he wears hats and
funky shirts, practices yoga, lifts
weights, runs (sometimes
marathons), cooks, drinks too much
coffee, writes, and takes a few
pictures.
He reminds rodent aficionados that
true zen is to "Be one with the rat."
His story "Split Decision," took
second prize in the Fall 2009 Writing
Contest at Crucible Magazine and
was published in Crucible. Copies
are available for $8.00 from:
Crucible
Barton College
PO Box 5000
Wilson, NC 27893-7000
writing, literature, composition, and
business writing at the American
University of Bosnia in Herzegovina,
in Tuzla.
In his spare time he wears hats and
funky shirts, practices yoga, lifts
weights, runs (sometimes
marathons), cooks, drinks too much
coffee, writes, and takes a few
pictures.
He reminds rodent aficionados that
true zen is to "Be one with the rat."
His story "Split Decision," took
second prize in the Fall 2009 Writing
Contest at Crucible Magazine and
was published in Crucible. Copies
are available for $8.00 from:
Crucible
Barton College
PO Box 5000
Wilson, NC 27893-7000